navigating transition -- and staying open.

Sometimes it looks like writhing in pain and knowing that the bed beneath you will support you and hold you. And so you begin to trust, ever so slightly.

Sometimes it looks like asking the tough questions, braving the risks of sounding rude. And smiling knowingly at the literal sore throat that follows. And so you begin to trust, ever so slightly.

Sometimes it looks like letting go of the content and simply noticing the feelings and sensations as they pass through, waiting on the next breath as a signal to carry on with the feeling. And so you begin to trust, ever so slightly.

Sometimes it looks like splaying out in the deep dark trench you've found yourself in, even though you don't see a way out and can't remember that trench existing before that moment and feel as if it must be infinite. Yet, splay messily you do. And so you begin to trust, ever so slightly.


Because staying open and beginning to trust.....they're kind of the same thing, aren't they?

And so you begin to open and trust, ever so slightly.....

every part of you is right.

 

{Love note and salt rocks still hanging out after #operationselfcarelikewhoa.)

 I am always saying, “There is a part of me that _____ but there’s another part of me that ____.” Always the parts, many parts, usually at least two or three or four strung along into that sentence, punctuated by buts.

There is a part of me that wants to but  

there is a part of me that doesn’t want to but 

there is a part of me that doesn’t care. 

There is a part of me that feels like I should but  

there is a part of me that worries what everyone else will think but 

there is a part of me that just wants to say fuck it.

Stop, she tells me. Try saying“and” instead of “but.” There is a part of you that wants to AND there is a part of you that doesn’t.

I think about that. I sit in silence for a few beats and realize that yes, I am allowed to have different parts of me feeling differently. There is no but. 

There’s a part of me that wants to just go for it, and 

there’s a part of me that’s scared shitless, and 

there’s a part of me that thinks I should do things the respectable way.

No buts. Just ands. We can embrace all these aspects of our selves, these multiple facets all clamoring for their voices to be heard and seen and accepted. 

These don’t need to be opposing. You are not a contradiction. Every part of you is right.

let's dance into joy.

{I have become so pulled to these women in magazines, 

letting them keep me company before transforming them into art.}

I have been working with Hannah for well over a year now. Visioning, moving through holidays, taking in her sweet voice, going for moon walks, connecting within her tribe.......it's been a year of love and heart-opening and connection and magic. 

At the retreat last week, I couldn't help but realize all that had brought me there.

In November 2011 little mentions of this "Holiday Joy Up" kept getting my attention on blogs, Facebook, and Twitter -- I'm sure glad I listened. From there I dove into a magical community of women that I'd soon call my friends -- some of them my very best friends, now. We've met for the first time in coffee shops, awkwardly at first.....we've circled at book signings and eaten gluten free cookies together.....we've exchanged phone numbers and texted like mad.....we've had entire novels of conversation in Facebook messages that most definitely must become a book one day. These women are my women now, my life. And I'm so very grateful.

Today Hannah has declared a day of giving, and is generously giving away entries to her upcoming program, Spirits of Joy, like mad. It's beautiful. It's totally transformed my Thursday. (Which was looking pretty bleak at 9am, as I stood amidst eight toddlers screaming and spitting and hitting, trying to breathe in that moment.)

And so, I'm here to give away three spots in this program, this program that will have you dancing into joy and leaning into ritual and journeying into magic. It's 30 beautiful days of soul work, prompts, connection to spirit, creative exploration, and gorgeous visioning through daily emails and videos. I'm so excited to be able to give away these spots and know you will love it.

We start this Monday.

If you'd like to enter, leave a comment here by midnight tomorrow and I'll randomly select three winners.

So excited to journey together.

So excited to love each other up.

So excited to dance into joy.

In gratitude,

Ruth

UPDATE 3/16: The winners are Stephanie Maurer, Deb Taylor, and Deb Reynolds! I'll be emailing you lovelies. Thanks everyone for entering, I wish you could have all won :)

on friday I manifested a miracle.

I am beginning to open to receiving miracles,
a bloom unfurling its petals,
a hawk rising up.


On Friday I manifested a miracle.*


An overnight retreat in Rhode Island,
A grand operation in exquisite self-care,
A gathering with 15 women I call my sisters.

A day of circling, sweating, eating, connecting,
A night of laughing, yoga-ing, crying, slumber party-ing.
A morning of painting, visioning, restoring, hugging.

At one point I fell asleep on a bed of salt rocks in a heat therapy room filled with pounds upon pounds of Himalayan salt rock.
At one point I turned to Hannah and said, "I love that we can just be crying together on a Saturday morning."
At one point I was lounging on a heated water bed drinking liver detox juice in my bathing suit indoors.
At one point I found myself saying, "I feel like you remind me of someone. But it's not someone -- it's just you. My soul already knows yours."
At one point I was covering my hands in fuschia paint and pressing them onto canvases.
At one point I stood beneath a 50-degree drench shower having just come from a 140-degree steam room.
At one point the word "trust" was being inscribed onto my arm.
At one point I just stood in the loft's bathroom smelling the soap.


And then, back home.


But not home to fall back into the usual swing of things.
No -- after retreating, going back home involves slowness and integration and peace and  reflection. You re-enter home more fully yourself, standing brighter in your light, topped off with love and support and deep, deep connection.

Thank you.
I am grateful.
All is well.


And I begin to wonder how I can create more of these soul-filling moments, how I can work to ensure that moments of such deep, deep connection are my real world, instead of leaving and going "back to the real world" with a sigh and a shake of the head.

This is my real world.
This shit is real.
This can be the norm.
This is so, so possible.


How?
By staying open. Open to receiving miracles.
By saying thank you in advance.
By visualizing yourself there, knowing that it already exists on some other plane of reality and all you must do is reach out and pluck it -- and believing that, fully.
By  realizing that failure is just an illusion. That the Universe (or God, or Source, or Great Spirit, or...) is always behind you ready to scoop you up and hold you, safely. Failure is just an illusion.
And, by choosing love.



And that's it, isn't it? Love. All there is.

How could there be anything else?

Today, I am so filled with love.

Thank you.

*Quite literally, I manifested this. Never doubt your own power. I confirmed my attendance before thinking of the funds, and instead of declining I held the belief that the money would come, I trusted with a supreme trust. A week later, the money did come -- in the form of some unexpected affiliate monies that I hadn't even been trying to earn. Bam. That's how a manifestation miracle works.

Interested in this? For more info on #operationselfcarelikewhoa, see here!