dusk walk.

Trying to remember my vow to myself : to move my body for at least five minutes, every single day.

Yesterday, it was last minute, at dusk, in the last hour of sunlight, and only around the yard.

But it was movement, and that's what matters.

in my life...

...I've been learning and practicing big lessons, more and more. Movement! The wheels have been turning for some time, and yet they're just beginning to turn enough to create movement.



I'm planning a big blog relaunch, to go live April 9th. I've loved this space in the three years since I started blogging, but it doesn't feel like an easy, college, get-your-thoughts-out-onto-the-screen outlet anymore. Instead, I want to transform it into a sacred online sanctuary. I want it to feel hopeful and magical and beautiful, and I want you to feel that, too. Ruth Writes doesn't serve me in that way, anymore. So on with the new.

(And, secret: this new website will actually be the completion of my very last project in the Creative Goddess e-course. Which I started in August! But the very last project in the course is a big one, and it's just been taking me some time. And! If you're thinking of trying the course or joining the Goddess Circle, a new group starts the Creative course together in the Circle on April 1st, this Sunday. This is one of Leonie's most popular courses, and I can totally vouch for that. Join, join! See my post on the Circle here.)



I'm contemplating a bigger blog post about this coming soon, but Maebel update: After a lot of thinking and mulling and grieving and battling and crying, I decided that Maebel needed a new home. I couldn't give her what she needed, and she couldn't give me what I needed (or rather, what I expected to get). I came really close to handing her off to a stranger who could care for her, but in the end, my parents decided they'd keep her. So, she's still around and growing like a weed, but she's not my sole responsibility now. So far, it's working out perfectly. Not even four months old yet and tripled in weight!



I'm planning to explore acupuncture and herbs and naturopathic medicine for a variety of reasons soon (I already am, actually). Anyone have any experience here? I've dabbled in the herbs and alternative doctors before, but never acupuncture -- I'm a little nervous! I've been thinking about trying it for months now, and now I feel like it's time to make it happen. I love hearing others' stories, so if you have any, share in the comments!



Carmella and I were talking recently about a topic that I can't stop thinking about lately: being and owning and embracing the person you've become. Compared to who I was in high school, or in college, or even just a year or two ago, I've done so much changing and growing and transforming that I wouldn't even recognize myself. We decided that sometimes that can make us look like we're living fake lives or trying to be people we're not, but -- it's the exact opposite, really. It can be scary to try new things and develop new interests and live life in a very different way, but to us -- it's the only way to live. So we're embracing our new selves. Yes.

just thought you'd like to know what my anthem is this week.

This is one of those songs I instantly become addicted to, and begrudgingly wait for the day when I'll get sick of it and won't want to listen to it anymore,

but then that day never comes. :)


Maybe it has something to do with men with beards who make music? Probably not.
But maybe.

grateful for:

: heart-shaped doggy heads

: mailboxes that read "ABUNDANT LIFE" in sparkly, glittery letters

: 60-degree weather in March

: making connections in the Goddess Circle

: guest post opportunities

: ridiculously silly Skype conversations with Jana (sorry, dearest)

: eating honeydew melon, kiwi, and mango for dessert (and pretending it's summer)


Let's all revel in great big waves of gratitude! :)

moving along.

The days are growing longer.

The light is staying later, now.

I'm growing fuller, stronger, wiser, truer.

I feel myself being topped off, filled up again with my wisdom: listening to my body and my Wise Woman, following my intuition's sweet-scented trails, moving slower and more deliberately, accepting only absolute truth and richness into my life, devouring the healthiest blogs and books and sounds.

Usually, the beginning of a new menstrual cycle for me is a challenging time. I often find myself fatigued, upset, triggered, sensitive, disconnected. I usually feel angered by this, mad that my body could be betraying me in this way, mad that a whole week out of every four is spent wasted.

This month though, I feel different. I feel the same fatigue and upset and triggering and sensitivity and disconnectedness, and yet.....it feels.....easier. Ease-ier. Like a natural rhythm of sorts, like this is just how my body wants to be right now. And the ease-iest solution?

Listen to it. Get into pajamas at 3pm if I want. Make 8:30pm my declared bedtime. Only do the bare minimum to get through every day. Drown myself in water and tea. Move even slower. Give myself permission. Eat what foods feel good to me. Make Project Period my first priority.

Perhaps it's the arrival of spring here in New England. It may not last, but the sunny weather and warm temperatures and open windows and general optimism in the air is enough to soak up and hold onto as a talisman of our future, not far off, coming whether we believe it possible or not. Perhaps my body senses this, and senses that the hardest of winter has past, and is feeling warmer and more optimistic, too.


Here's hoping new seasons and daylight and changes are greeting you in your part of the world, too.
:)

wild geese, rising moon

"The world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, 

harsh and exciting --
over and over 

announcing your place
in the family of things."

 _____

 Mary Oliver

(This poem is just so bloggable, I suppose :)

bits of life.

Here,

wandering, musing, finding, being.

Distinguishing between fear of letting go, and fear of space and freedom.


Tomorrow starts the first day of less daycare hours and more writing hours. I've been waiting so long to cut back on the amount of time I spend in that classroom, and tomorrow is the start of it being cut by ten hours per week -- I'm going from about 35 to only 25. (Eee! Ten hours less! This feels monumental.) By doing so, I'm able to accept more freelance writing, resulting in less hours worked and more money earned.

When the moment is right, it can feel like the whole Universe is opened up to you :)

radical self-care.

The Universe has been so nicely presenting at my feet opportunity after opportunity to manifest my whispered word for 2012: self-care. (I also toyed with "self-love" and "ease," but this one resonates the most.)

Self-care. Two years ago I didn't know it. As in, didn't know it existed. Had never heard of it. Wouldn't have known what it meant if it was pressed right into my face. (Which, I'm sure, it was. Multiple times.)

And here I am in 2012, thinking it necessary to really improve upon my own self-care and self-love, and little do I know that the Universe means business. You know that saying, "Be careful what you wish for?" I'm learning that meaning, now. Only I'm still truly dedicated to what I've wished for and am learning its medicine and taking its lessons in stride, with love.

I am learning to love myself.

A year and a half ago I turned down two very prestigious offers to attend graduate school and get my Master's degree in Social Work. Healing the world had been my vision since I was a little girl, didn't you know. I wanted to take care of people and fix things and what I hadn't realized all along was -- what I really wanted was to heal myself. And somewhere in there I got lost and thought that the way to mend and fill this hole was to offer myself to others, to the point of spending thousands of dollars and dedicating my entire life to a profession that could, ideally, do this. A year and a half ago I had the sudden burst of clarity (or perhaps it was really a long build-up waiting to happen) to stop. To sit. To put myself first.

I remember whispering out loud for the first time ever, to anyone, to my spiritual mentor, "Um, I know this sounds bad, and really mean, but . . . . I don't want to help people anymore."

And it was like this ginormous weight was lifted off my shoulders and suddenly my whole world opened up and I could breathe and I began on this path of self-care and acceptance and realized along the way that this, this was how I was going to start healing and changing the world. Within myself.


Every day is a new lesson and practice in this art of self-love. My decision today? To call out of work. Stay home. Sleep in a tiny bit, move slowly, nurse this persistent cold, spend time with my sister before she drives back to DC, give myself space. Catch up on some laundry and writing and then, breathe. And acknowledge the bits of guilt and fear that pop up and then -- focus on what I'm doing for myself and appreciate my own courage and commitment.

For I am committed to saving my own life.

checking in.

Another blog silence, another heaping pile of changes taking place.

I've got a very broken computer.
And a very demanding puppy.
And a very scattered life, at the moment.

Bear with me while I work on finding balance, stability, and establishing a bit more self-care amidst this hectic time. (And while I learn to believe that giving myself time for a blogging break is self-care.)

I'm looking forward to being back in this space soon, with lots of big ideas for the future :)

Hoping all my readers are doing well too, yes?

slow sunday.

Today I'm

moving slowly,

drinking tea by the mugful (or Starbucks-cup-ful),

trying to stay warm,

taking deep breaths,

writing letters to myself,

and listening to the winds howling their changes outside.


Today, I really need to give myself care.