imagining

Imagine a woman
who believes it is right and good she is woman.
A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories.
Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life.

Imagine a woman
who believes she is good.
A woman who trusts and respects herself.
Who listens to her needs and desires and meets them with tenderness and grace.

Imagine a woman
who has acknowledged the past's influence on the present.
A woman who has walked through her past.
Who has healed into the present.

Imagine a woman
who authors her own life.
A woman who exerts, initiates, and moves on her own behalf.
Who refuses to surrender except to her truest self and to her wisest voice.

Imagine a woman
who names her own gods.
A woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness.
Who designs her own spirituality and allows it to inform her daily life.

Imagine a woman
in love with her own body.
A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is.
Who celebrates her body and its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.

Imagine a woman
who honors the face of the Goddess in her changing face.
A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom.
Who refuses to use her precious life energy disguising the changes in her body and life.

Imagine a woman
who values the women in her life.
A woman who sits in circles of women.
Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.

Imagine yourself as this woman.

--Patricia Lynn Reilly

sometime soon

I have much to share here,

that I've had percolating for over a month, now.

I'm finding it harder and harder to find the right words.

The right sentiments.

The right meanings.

The right anything.

Possibly because once they're out, they'll be there, staring me in the heart, and they'll be real and tangible and sudden, and I'll know I won't have made them up.

Sometime soon I'll stop obsessing and face it and write it and get it out, maybe.

Perhaps this was a useless post.

But now I'll be held to my word, right?

And I feel like now, I'm one step closer.

new year's resolutions, late.

I'm back, and I'm ready to blog.

It's odd--I was visiting Rachel in DC for New Year's, and completely meant to blog my new year's resolutions while I was there, but the days just slipped right through my fingers and before I knew it, I was leaving to go back to Connecticut again. And here it is January 3rd (!), and still no blog update.

Now, armed with a clean room and big glass of red wine, I'm ready to blog.

Did you make new year's resolutions? I used to think they were so silly. So cliche. Sure, yes, I always wish I could lose some weight or not eat as many sweets--why did I need the start of a new year to remind me that I haven't? Not this year, though. I'm sloughing off any residual crap from 2009 and starting a fresh, brand new life. (Okay, so maybe not that much is changing, but at least I have some good ambition, right?) This year, I'm taking these babies seriously. I'm limiting myself to three. Three. No more, no less. That way, I have a better chance of succeeding, don't you think?

Ahem, ahem.

1. I will become fluent in Spanish. That's right, 2010, I will master you. One day (it was Christmas actually, I think), while chatting with family friends who both speak multiple languages, it dawned on me that I have it all at my fingertips, and I'm just not utilizing any of it. My workplace constantly surrounds me with Spanish conversation, and if I really wanted to, I'm sure I could work hard on picking it up.

2. I will continue to go to the gym every day. That's right--I've already been doing this one . . . . . who knew I had self-discipline?? I got a membership about three weeks ago and it's been smooth sailing since!

3. I will focus on being in the present. I want to stop worrying needlessly about the past or the future and instead savor the here-and-now. I'm reminded of a Thoreau quote: "Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each."

Thank you, Henry, I think I shall start resigning myself.

There you have it, my Three New Year's Resolutions. Of course, I have plenty of other things I hope to conquer and achieve and work towards, but these three are 2010 goals.

Bring it on, brand new decade! I welcome you with excitement and open arms.

a little birthday post.

So, today is my birthday. I must be getting old, because I'm not nearly as excited as I usually am.

I love birthdays. Anyone's birthday. I don't care if it's not even someone I know, as long as there are streamers and bows and birthday candles and excitement in the air, it makes me happy. There's just something magical about them, don't you think? Especially your own birthday--the whole day just feels like it doesn't belong with the other 364 days of the year. This year seems different though.

Last year, I turned 21 and practically had to talk myself out of a panic attack every time I thought about it. I had passed double digits, became a teenager, turned 16 and got my license, turned 18 and became an "adult"--and then 21 seemed like it was the last big thing. There aren't really any big milestones after 21--besides 40. With the help of my roommates, I finally got over it, and had a good birthday (watching Barack Obama be elected president in a bar called Huskies at UConn on my 21st birthday!). It wasn't as bad as I'd expected.

This year, I'm not super excited. But I think that's okay. Stephanie of even*cleveland described it best when she said,

"Because really that's what birthdays are - a moment to enjoy the vista, a little hill in the year to stand on and take a moment to look behind, then look ahead before setting off again."

Isn't that nice?

So, inspired by both Stephanie and Sarah, of cloth.paper.string, I've made up a list of things I want to accomplish in this coming year. And even if I look at this list next November 3rd and realize I've only accomplished a few things, that'll be okay. So:

17 Things To Do Before I Turn 23

1 develop an exercise regimen
2 lose some pounds
3 tell every person I love that I love them at least once
4 write a short story/essay
5 apply (and get into!) to grad school
6 love myself a little bit more
7 volunteer at the soup kitchen with MH
8 wear an outfit completely made by myself
9 go somewhere or do something all by myself
10 do at least one thing that makes me really happy
11 speak Spanish fluently
12 get a DSLR camera and master it
13 speak my mind no matter what
14 become an early riser
15 spend an entire afternoon doing absolutely nothing
16 watch the sun rise
17 go vegetarian for a full week (or month . . .)

Do you have any birthday traditions? I'd love to hear them!

(Photo via urbanfarmgirl)

I Wish I Could . . .

. . . speak Spanish fluently.

. . . type really fast. (I guess I should have finished up that keyboarding course in 7th grade, right Mom?)

. . . be more sure of myself.

. . . know how to style my hair better after having it for, oh I don't know, twenty-one years.

. . . master Excel.

. . . have a more successful blog.

. . . live on my own.


Maybe I need to make a goal list like this one