healing.

:: trusting that my body is healing, all in its own time

:: remembering that this is the time for resting, for cuddling with the cat, for watching movies and reading magazines, for taking painkillers without feeling guilty, for loading up on liquids and moving through my days slowly

:: knowing that this nose surgery I've decided to take on will all be worth it, that soon I'll be able to breathe freely and fully and feel more energized and full of being

:: thinking of how many people go through similar experiences, except without the knowledge that in the end they'll be alive and well

:: feeling thankful for dear friends who come by with baskets of get-well goodies (teas and a mug, a DVD and candles) knowing it will make me feel the teensiest bit better

:: hoping that with the new-found balance inside my nose, I'll find balance in other areas of my life, too

i just found exactly what it was i needed.

Thank you dearly, Jen Lemen.

these days.

These days have been spent

giving my body time to recover, realizing just how much a sickness affected me,
foraying into the earth, watching seedlings burst forth,
catching up on cleaning and laundry and even using the clothesline,
being so, so grateful for instant Netflix episodes of The Office,
spending time in the kitchen, playing with rhubarb and preparing for a birthday,
kicking into super-bridal-shower-planning mode, envisioning and purchasing and creating,
dreaming of my own living space as friends move on to theirs,
and mentally preparing to go back to work tomorrow (after my days off that were meant for surgery, but got interrupted by sickness).

I'm liking these quiet, still days, for me, before schedules get busy and summer truly arrives.

awakening

In solitude we give passionate attention to our lives, to our memories, to the details around us.

~Virginia Woolf

I am moving forward at such a rapid rate that I can’t afford to be pulled back or the equilibrium of my boat will be rocked.  And that rocking might cause the boat to capsize or break apart.  I won’t take the risk, my life and my children’s lives depends on it.                         

~Sloane Rhodes

I have the capacity to be awake in any moment I choose. When I focus on what I know is true I feel more awake and aware. I am letting go of worries about the unknown more and more. I am committing to what I know because it feels better.                                 

~JBG

holding on

Sheesh, you guys. One minute it's Monday and I'm only a little tired from my busy weekend and the next minute I've got a 103-degree fever and a massive headache and the sorest throat I've ever felt. (If you follow me on Twitter, I'm sure you've heard me complaining.)

Truth is--Thursday morning I was supposed to be having surgery. I get sinus infections like nobody's business, and when I finally got it checked out (at age 23?!), I learned I have a very deviated septum and lots of swollen tissue. Hence the nonstop infections. So I bit the bullet and decided to schedule a surgery even though it freaks me out and took a bunch of days off of work and cleared my schedule and read the pamphlets about nose surgeries and even prepared to turn this whole thing into a larger-than-life scenario about finding balance in other places of my life than just my nose and was totally prepared to come out of this a million times better, in more ways than one.

Then, the 103-degree fever. I was so bummed. Not only did it feel like the room was spinning and not only was I was constantly freezing despite being the hottest day of the year and not only was I practically physically unable to swallow even a sip of water, but I was looking at five unpaid days off work for no reason at all, and another five later in the month for the postponed surgery. Guh. Needless to say, I've been doing nothing but laying in bed clutching at my throat and my jaw and my neck and my ear, hoping they don't explode. And reading books and wishing I had the energy to get up and clean my increasingly-messy bedroom and thinking about all the things I could be doing.

So, I've just been holding on. I've been making lists of all the things I wish I could be doing, while realizing that my body is saying NO and settling for the goal of completing them sometime later. (That's a really hard thing to do, isn't it?)

Life's flying by around me, and I'm holding on.

weekend.

Remember when I said one of my June intentions is to learn more about an Ayurvedic approach to PMS? Well, one thing I've been working on is giving my body enough energy and support and rest the week before my period in order to do its thing. 

But this weekend I sort of forgot all that. I completely let other things (albeit fun things!) take priority over giving my body extra sleep and giving myself permission to say NO. So when Sunday night rolled around, I was cranky, exhausted, achy, nauseous, and just plain overdone. Not the best end to a weekend. (Today I may have asked for the afternoon off and came home to take a 2-hour nap...)

Besides feeling icky, this weekend was full of loading up on yummy produce, working on bridal shower invitations, camping down by the pond (we never knew bullfrogs could be so disruptive!), finally seeing Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 1, and shooting my very first PAID event (more to come on that). Hurray!

I hope your June is promising lots of smores, flowers, good books, and summery nights, too :)

june 4

I couldn't remember the last time I had gone to bed while it was still light out.

But last night, it needed to be done.

june intentions

We're halfway through the year, and the past 12 months have been big ones for me. These are my intentions for this month that marks a full year of growth and transformation:

   ~to get more interested and invested in learning about an Ayurvedic or holistic approach to premenstrual syndrome
   ~to join a book club
   ~to spend time cultivating my garden
   ~to focus more on honoring myself and doing what I want to do
   ~to give more attention to my blog and begin sharing my story truthfully and honestly

I'm excited to start doing this month. Hurray :)