holding on

Sheesh, you guys. One minute it's Monday and I'm only a little tired from my busy weekend and the next minute I've got a 103-degree fever and a massive headache and the sorest throat I've ever felt. (If you follow me on Twitter, I'm sure you've heard me complaining.)

Truth is--Thursday morning I was supposed to be having surgery. I get sinus infections like nobody's business, and when I finally got it checked out (at age 23?!), I learned I have a very deviated septum and lots of swollen tissue. Hence the nonstop infections. So I bit the bullet and decided to schedule a surgery even though it freaks me out and took a bunch of days off of work and cleared my schedule and read the pamphlets about nose surgeries and even prepared to turn this whole thing into a larger-than-life scenario about finding balance in other places of my life than just my nose and was totally prepared to come out of this a million times better, in more ways than one.

Then, the 103-degree fever. I was so bummed. Not only did it feel like the room was spinning and not only was I was constantly freezing despite being the hottest day of the year and not only was I practically physically unable to swallow even a sip of water, but I was looking at five unpaid days off work for no reason at all, and another five later in the month for the postponed surgery. Guh. Needless to say, I've been doing nothing but laying in bed clutching at my throat and my jaw and my neck and my ear, hoping they don't explode. And reading books and wishing I had the energy to get up and clean my increasingly-messy bedroom and thinking about all the things I could be doing.

So, I've just been holding on. I've been making lists of all the things I wish I could be doing, while realizing that my body is saying NO and settling for the goal of completing them sometime later. (That's a really hard thing to do, isn't it?)

Life's flying by around me, and I'm holding on.