let's become alive

I've felt an overwhelming need to surround myself with growing things lately.

Over the past week I've searched thrift stores for old pots and raided Home Depots for green plants. I intruded on my backyard with scissors in hand and plucked stems to fill vases.

My bedroom is slowly becoming the alive oasis my soul is yearning for.

A voice speaks to your clarity.
Move into the moment of your death.
Consider what you truely want.

Now call out commands yourself.
You are the king. Phrase your question,
and expect the grace of an answer.

--Rumi

flowers and rain

The lilies of the valley have finally peaked. Every year, I always feel like I miss them. Of course, they're beautiful and then gone in about 1.7 days, but I feel like I shouldn't be leaving their side for the entirety of those 1.7 days. You know?

They're like heaven on a stem. I wish you could smell these through the screen, really.

That's why this year I made sure to document their growth. In a little photo project I'll put up here soon. (Okay, so I guess "project" is too grand a word for what I really did, but it's still pretty amazing. You'll see.)

I took these pictures yesterday, when the skies were gray and it was sprinkling and I purposely went into work late on account of not being able to mentally get myself there. All I wanted was springtime and sunshine, hoping it would force my mood to shape up and ship out. Now today, it's all sunshine and fresh air (despite being chilly) and I wouldn't mind a little gloominess to just validate my feelings a little.

I think that's a pathological tendency I have. When it's sunny I feel obligated to be chipper and full of energy even when I'm not, but when it's rainy and gray I feel I have no other choice than to match my mood to the air, which I usually do.

It's like how I eat exorbitant amounts of food every time I watch The Biggest Loser. Pathological, I tell you.

I'm just going to go stare at some lilies of the valley and see if that helps.

fridays

For some reason, I usually don't have any big plans on Friday evenings. I get out of work a little early, stop at the gym on the way home, and then have some time to myself at home with dinner and a glass of wine while parents and sisters are out at softball practices and meetings.

Sometimes I feel nerdy that I'd rather stay home late at night and drink wine with my mom in yoga pants and watch terrible television and catch up on crocheting and reading rather than make plans and go out and be tired/hungover the next morning.

But you know what?

I kinda like it.

sunglass-free

sunday's blueberry almond bars, that have naught to do with this post

Sometimes,

when the weather is sunny and I wake up to the sounds of birds chirping and greenhouse trucks rumbling by and I step outside into the chilly air beneath the crab apple trees and hear the steady hum of bumble bees overhead and sneeze and sneeze and sneeze because the sun is so bright,

I just don't want to put on my sunglasses.

They're adorable and from an outdoor flea market and are the best pair I've ever owned and greatly help in driving to work on the highway when the visor doesn't reach to block out the sun and the glare is extraordinary,

but sometimes I'd rather just see the world as it is and take the sun for what it's worth and risk the squinting and worry about wrinkles in my forehead some other time.

no news day.

Stella and I are getting

bored.

We need pick-me-ups.

Or new hair cuts, at least.