guest post : amy from rainbows and daydreams

More guest posts! I'm loving this so much.

Today's post comes from Amy, a cosmic soul-sister I connected with through the Goddess Circle. Continents apart, I'm so glad we've "met" in such a serendipitous way-- it's been so much fun getting to know each other online :)

Welcome, Amy!

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When I was about fifteen, I decided that I wanted to become a naturopath. Where this decision came from I don't know. It was not as if my family used natural or alternative health products. I had a friend in high school with a mother who was a herbalist and practitioner of other natural therapies and through her I became fascinated by these age old holistic health practices. I organised to do my work experience at her natural health business, twice. I took on an afternoon job to see more of what was happening there. I got to have hands on experience with things like making tinctures, creams, iridology, colour therapy, drawing therapy, and other alternative health practices. I did workshops, read books, anything I could find on the topic was interesting to me.

In Australia, where I live, in year ten of high school we decide what we will study for our final years with the intent of gaining entry to our chosen field at university. We all had private meetings with our careers counsellor who would instruct us on what subjects we should chose and how we should go about attaining our goals. When I mentioned my desired path, my careers counsellor swiftly set about convincing me that it was not a path I should follow. She told me that I would have to study more science than I  would like, that my choice to abandon maths would not serve me well, and that I was obviously stronger in the fields of English and drama. I faltered in my conviction, being young and impressionable, and took on the counsel. Surely it would be best to do something I had proven myself to be good at, and when I applied myself occasionally excelled at? Surely?

So I went forth, planning on studying something like media, journalism or drama when I went to university. I was accepted to university for all three subjects and decided to focus on communications, which was a mixture of media and journalism and subjects like film. I enjoyed my time at university, but I felt lost. Family troubles and my own struggles with depression left me confused and aimless. My plan to become a political journalist faltered when I decided politics was too negative and cut­throat for me. I started working in a health food shop, and truly loved the connection with natural health products once again. It seemed my old interests were back to haunt me. I often thought back to my time at the natural health clinic that I worked in as a teenager. It may have been the gloss of nostalgia, but I saw it as a truly happy time and place in my life. I thought about how much I would love to pursue that path still. But I thought I had missed my boat, let the chance go by. I still felt lost and unfulfilled.

One day, I found out that my local TAFE, which is a vocational education provider, offered massage therapy as an option. A spark was lit up inside my heart, or maybe it was my soul. Massage fit perfectly into my idea of natural therapy. It was holistic, hands on, and to me seemed to be based on the idea of prevention over cure. With a diploma in remedial massage under my belt I could then apply to universities to go on and study naturopathy. It seemed like there was a chance that I could actually commit to my original plan. But once again I was filled with self doubt. Was I really cut out for a subject that revolved around subjects like anatomy and physiology? Wasn't it too late to try? I was sceptical about even mentioning my dream to my partner. We had recently bought a house, and now had a mortgage. Could we afford for me to study when I wasn't even sure about whether I could do so successfully? I was filled with turmoil and unhappy with my current path; but I had always been a person who was reserved and worried about taking risks. And I'll have to admit, this seemed like the biggest risk ever. I was so certain that this was what I wanted to do; but if I was wrong I would end up more lost and aimless than ever.

I started by taking dolly steps. I told my partner. I approached a government welfare department to see if I would qualify for financial study assistance. I think when my partner saw how crestfallen I was when the answer was no it convinced him of how much I wanted it. I had his blessing, and even though it would place a financial strain on us, we agreed that I should give it a go. I enrolled and started study. And I loved it! The anatomy and physiology study was fascinating and I actually found that I excelled at it. When I started massaging I found that my hands, which I had always thought of as too small and weak, could actually gain strength and were much more useful than I ever believed. I really enjoyed learning about the different modalities of massage and how it could help people maintain the health throughout their life.

This chapter of my life has provided me with a few invaluable lessons. Firstly I learnt to trust my instincts. The only person who can tell you want you should do is you. Of course, I don't blame my teen aged­self for those doubts; I was too young to know such a thing and to trust myself so completely against all the advice I was being given. But that first desire, that first dream, it never died. It just waited. I learnt that it is never too late to try. And try I did; I even got my first ever scholarship during my first year of study. I tried and I succeeded and even excelled. They say that you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but that's rubbish. If you want something enough, nothing in the world can hold you back. Even after coming down with glandular fever (mononucleosis) in my first year of study, and suffering with fatigue and a long line of illness afterwards I am getting it done. I ended up adding a semester to my diploma to deal with the time off I had to have because of illness last year, which was a lesson in itself. Be gentle with yourself. Take time when needed. Ask for help when you need it. Boy, that last one has been hard for me to get through my head! I was so used to struggling along silently, which no one needs to do. There is always someone out there willing to listen and willing to help.

As I now finish up my studies and start thinking about my next move, I am truly grateful for where I am now on my path. I have a plan, one that will serve me. In the past I felt so frustrated and unfulfilled. Now I feel like I have options, choices. I can trust in myself to do the right thing by myself. My focus is on growth, happiness, contentment. I finally feel like I am doing what I am here on this Earth to do. And that is the best feeling of all.


About Amy:
I currently live on top of a mountain in the New England region of NSW, Australia. I am studying for my diploma of remedial massage and am setting up a home business in the field. I live with my partner, a cat, two dogs, and three chickens. I am so happy to be here for the opening of Ruth's beautiful new space, and feel blessed to have friends like Ruth all over the world. To be connected to a tribe such as this is an amazing thing to behold.