i've just decided

This blog is too cluttered. Everywhere I look there are columns and squares and paragraphs and archives and links and buttons and pictures.

Too much, I say.

This is more like it. (You've not read her? Oh, get on it.)

So tell me--do you have any blog revamping techniques you'd be inclined to share with us?

I'm afraid I'm not very technically savvy.

As you can tell by my clutter.

**Update: Clutter is beginning to clear. We're getting there.

movin on

Today is the 366th day of my post-college life. I graduated exactly one year ago.

I've just taken the "365" out of my header of "Fearlessly navigating my way through these 365 post-college days."

I suppose that's really over, then.

ponderings

I feel what I cannot write.

I yearn to express what I cannot say.

I began blogging to hold myself accountable for my life. To keep details in mind, to remember to take pictures, to properly process thoughts and emotions. I'm afraid I'm not very successful at doing so otherwise.

This blog functions as a tool to remind myself that being me is not a bad thing. That it's okay. That feeling my feelings and thinking my thoughts is just as legitimate as anyone else doing the same thing, whether in blog form or otherwise.

It was a good realization, for awhile. Until I became confused about what to share here. This isn't a diary. This isn't a floral-bound book tucked under my mattress for my deepest, darkest secrets to abound. This is a very public journal.

So for months now, questions have swirled through my head, like, Do I remain positive, and positive only? Do I fake happiness until I make happiness? Or do I share negativity and heartache, too? But is it unfair to my readers to whine and complain and share greivances? (After all, I DO have a tag category called "Greivances," and it's quite full, which I often kick myself for.) I always wonder these things. Is it better to blog about happy things, when you're not feeling happy, for the sake of trying to force yourself to feel happy? Or is it better to let it all hang out, and show no discrimination, and blog about ALL the truths of life, in order to be the most truthful?

I know this is a common predicament for bloggers. But I have to remind myself--I started this blog for me. And I plan on writing for me, too. It's just hard to remember, sometimes. And it's hard to articulate, a lot of times.

Which often results in blog absences for periods of time. Which makes me feel like I'm not being honest, with myself or with my readers. I don't want to only post when I'm happy. I want to post all the time. Because if I made this blog to hold myself accountable and help me process my thoughts and emotions, it doesn't really work to only use it at high points of life, does it? I want to look back on this and remember everything, everything I was going through at this point in my life. The very first time I was confused about this, I went two whole weeks without blogging. But back then, I promised myself I wouldn't do it again. I went those two weeks, which happened to be two very tumultuous weeks of my life, without properly processing what was going on.

I hated doing that again.

So I'm vowing to blog for me. To blog about what makes me happy. And to blog about what makes me nervous or sad or anxious or scared, too. Luckily, there are other bloggers out there who help me with these decisions.

I don't feel like I'm being very articulate here and I fear I'm beginning to not make any sense, so I'll stop here. Hopefully this is something you can relate to, too.

Should blogging be this difficult?

this severe lack of blog posting brought to you by:

1. PMS

2. Grad school anxiety

3. Grad school excitement

4. PMS

5. Unrequited like (not to be confused with love, just yet)

6. Work busy-ness

7. Preparing for huge life transitions

7. Did I mention PMS? Guh.

happy birthday, little blog.

One year ago today, I started this little blog.

What started out as a silly daydream of becoming a "professional" blogger and doing nothing more than lounging in front of my computer in a cafe somewhere downing lattes and typing as I pleased

quickly morphed into an independent study for a creative writing class at the prodding of a dear professor.

I called it A Facet Of My Growing Age.

It then morphed into this little project, documenting the first year of my life after college graduation (partly because it gave me some blogging direction, and partly as a means of getting through this year and remaining sane).

I call it Ruth Writes.

And now, it's been exactly eight months since I graduated and one year since this blog began.

Whew.

In honor of this blog birthday/blogaversary, I've put together a mini-giveaway!

I'm giving away a handmade headband, custom made just for my faithful readers.

Simply leave a comment below telling me how your blog got started (I'm nosy!). On Friday, January 15th, I'll choose a winner at random and you can tell me your band, fabric, and beading choices.

Good luck and thank you for being a part of my little blog!

PS

If you're reading this in a feeder, click over to see my new banner.

oops.

So apparently I've been a little MIA of late. My apologies.

Sometimes I just have nothing to blog about, it seems. I'm sure if I really thought about it I could come up with something, but I'd have to force myself and it seems like that defeats the greatness of blogging. Right?

Do you ever force yourself to blog, for the sake of readers or numbers or comments?

photo swap recap.

Remember when I signed up for Rhianne's Photo Swap? Well, her great idea finally came to fruition. Is starting to, anyway.

The lovely Stuart of Voila mailed me her roll of film awhile ago (this girl is seriously on the ball) and after wrestling with my scanner for quite some time, I've finally got the pictures up. I have to say--I'm probably going to be slightly embarrassed when she gets my photos and puts them up. I don't think I've used a disposable camera in . . . . seven years? And once MH played around with the stupid camera just once, the flash was stuck on perpetually, so we'll see if these pictures come out at all! They all may just be one big, bright, ghostly mess.

But I digress. Stuart has taken some lovely photos from Washington, D.C.--which is ridiculously ironic because Rachel lives about three streets down from her! When I showed her the photos, she told me exactly where everything was. Small world, isn't it?

I've posted her photos below, and also put them up on the Photo Swap's Flickr page. They're on my Flickr too, but I don't think I've ever actually admitted I have a Flickr and, well, let's just say it's a rather sorry sight. But you could see them a little better there if you'd like.

Can we also let the record show that Stuart is absolutely adorable? Her roll of film came with a sweet little note on a monogrammed card. Ah, the joys of blogging . . . .

do tell?

Okay so, in an effort not to ditch blogging altogether and not to shoot this NaBloPoMo to hell, I need your help.

Does blogging ever come harder than usual to you guys? Some days, I'm all about it and will post one, two, maybe three times in one day, while other days (or weeks, who are we kidding here . . .) I want nothing to do with this blogging business. Sometimes it feels like I have to put on a smile and "show up" just to keep the blog going and also keep myself from letting my writing fizzle out. Especially during times like the past week or so, when I just have so much going on personally that I can't really share with the internet, it's so difficult to make myself see something positive in life and post about it. (Or not so positive, like I'm doing write now, apparently.)

Am I alone?

That being said, I'm begging for your help. Can you guys tell me what kind of stuff you like to read here?


Do you like Felicitous Findings?

Do you prefer real-life stories that spare no details and lay it all out there, like my hair saga post or my Big New Job reveal?

Do you enjoy silly little nothings I find on the web randomly and then share with all of you?

Do you like videos?

Maybe you prefer philosophical wonderings that get even myself confused, like my I Love Lucy quandary or the Facebook conundrum?

Do you like the happy, feel-good posts?


I would also take advice on what you don't like to read here, be that the case. Anything you can tell me would be huge. Blogging ain't easy. It's too bad I like it so much, or I'd just quit.

Send help.

NaBloPoMo

That's right--it's National Blog Posting Month.

I've read about this on so many other blogs, and now I'm participating. To join, sign up at their site and post at least once a day for a month.

I know, I know, I already missed yesterday, but I just found it today, so that doesn't count. Starting today--it counts.

Of course, this means weekends too, which I'm not so great at, but I'm going to try. The cure for writer's block is to write, anyways!


Will you sign up?!

(Photo via simply photo. It has absolutely nothing to do with this post. I juat love kitties.)

if you're not making it, can you fake it?

Okay, so I've had this post in my head for awhile now and I think it's had just about enough time to percolate and can now be released to the blogging world:

Can you really fake it till you make it?

Positive thinking, affirmations, plain old optimism--does it really work? If your life is in shambles and you find it difficult to see anything in a positive light, can you just trick yourself into thinking so? Can you just repeat some mantra every day for a month and poof! have everything right-side-up again?

I struggle with that on my blog. What do I put on here? I read all kinds of blogs--some that let it all hang out, and some that stick to the happy and positive only. Which is better? I can't say. But I just feel so fake if I only talk about the good parts. If I only put up pictures of myself that I've double-chin and bad-hair approved first. If I only highlight the fun activities of my weekend and not the arguments or mood slumps or moping around the house. But who wants to hear about my weekend mood slumps?

Is it better though, to hear and read about other people who are possibly going through the same things that you are? So that you can feel some belonging to the human race and know you're not alone?

Or is it better to surround yourself with positivity? To read blogs that make you happy and lift your spirits when you're feeling down? In other words, to purposely be fake for the purpose of making yourself happy? (Because let's be honest, we're not all happy, all the time. It's just not possible. Even the happiest and most content of people have their down days. Right?)

So now I'm turning to you, readers.* What do you prefer in a blog? Would you rather see the blogosphere through rose-tinted glasses, or are you a realist that just damn wants it told like it is?

*And for the sake of an "example," I'm going to embrace the realist side of my argument and say: I don't know how confidently I can address "readers"--do I have more than my whopping thirteen followers? Half of which are family members? Sometimes blogging can be so disheartening. There!

My name is Ruth, I love cats, and I enjoy crossword puzzles--

but I'm not a grandma.

Here's a little bit about me.

I always:

• invariably, without fail, pour too much salad dressing on my salad


• hope that someday my memoir will be completed (it will!)


• have my camera with me

• need to have my bed made--with the sheets tucked as tight as they can be

I never:

• get any kind of enjoyment from winking--whether I'm the winker, the winkee, or a witness to the winking


• pass up an opportunity to watch The Office, no matter how many times I've seen the episode

I revel in:

• good lighting in movies


• nights in


• Thursday afternoons


• playing with my sewing machine


• listening to Ray LaMontagne endlessly


• exorbitant amounts of really soft tissues


• doing laundry, especially the folding part

• the transition seasons--fall and spring

I hope you enjoy what you read here on Ruth Writes, and I always welcome emails with thoughts, greetings and recommendations! If you have a blog, I'd love to check it out! Be sure to become a follower and check back often for updates.

Here's to blogging!

My glass is waiting, for some fresh ice cubes

I'm sitting here, at the gigantic-oversized-brightred dining room table in this gigantic-oversized-brightred house we're renting, listening to Norah Jones and drinking wine and watching Nana and my aunt play Wahoo. No, I'd never heard of it, either. Some card game similar to Spit but more complicated and bigger and more difficult.

I've been feeling very unmotivated about blogging lately. Perusing other blogs and seeing how many new followers they've gotten in one week and how many commenters they have on one post has me a little disheartened. Silly, I know, but I almost feel like writing in a journal is just the same as writing this blog. I've heard it said that when you start blogging it's like talking to nobody in an empty room. That's so true, isn't it? Gradually you get followers and commenters and regular readers and all that, but when? I know I've only been blogging since January, but it's a little discouraging. Sometimes I think I should just give it up altogether.

Since I really don't have any words tonight and I'm feeling a bit too melodramatic and self-pitying, I'll leave you with snippets of the conversations between Nana and my aunt. I've never heard Nana like this, she's ca-raaaazy!

Nana: She ain't got no respect, Ruthie!

Nana: Oh! She's not very nice.
AB: She's always the martyr.
Nana: I'm the one that asked you to play.
AB: I'm the one that has to reach so far over all these cards!

Nana: Her poor old mother with her arthritic fingers . . .
AB: I've got arthritic fingers, too, you know.

Nana: All right, Beth, that's enough, that's enough, that's enough . . .
AB: Enough excuses!

7 Days: Day 1

I'm here safe and sound in DC and my plane didn't even crash into the Potomac. Woohoo! Our days and nights so far have been filled with visiting new bars, lunch from Whole Foods, kickball games beneath the Washington Monument and getting dressed up. It's nice to be back with Rachel again. Maybe we'll see Rockstar Diaries!

Anyways, Secret Agent Josephine has reminded me that 7 Days is starting again and this time I'm in. Photo of myself every day for seven days? Pft. I practically do that already. Not that I love looking at photos of myself all day long, but you get what I mean. This time I'm participating!

So here's my photo for day one. Isn't Rachel's little kitchen table adorable?



(Technically 7 Days started yesterday, but I'll just play catch up and post another later today. Sshh.)

Happy Sunday! Hope you enjoy the gorgeous weather around here as much as I will.

Naturally Nina + Ruth Writes

I completely forgot to announce this weeks ago--I've become a sponsor on Naturally Nina!

Nina's blog, www.naturallynina.com, is one of my favorites--she's a beautiful writer, keeps it light and positive, and posts gorgeous photos found on Flickr. Check her out!

And notice my Ruth Writes logo in the left sidebar!

(Photo via Soda O. It has nothing to do with this post. I just liked it.)

(Are you new to Ruth Writes? Welcome! Be sure to become a follower and check back often for updates--thanks for visiting!)

Blogging: The Ultimate Motivator

If there's one thing lately that I've come to realize really motivates me, it's blogging.

Let me explain: I used to love Facebook. That soul-sucking vortex of peer pressure to conform was really something. I couldn't stay away. Now, I still have my Facebook account, but I only use it if people want to get in contact with me and can't think to send an email or make a phone call. Other than that, I never use it. I haven't updated it in months.

But after awhile, after countless hours of my life were ripped away from me as I flipped through page after Facebook page, I realized that it was actually doing more harm than good. Like a dementor sucking the life out of a Muggle with a Kiss of Death in Harry Potter, Facebook can really dig into you (I think it's all a psychological experiment, and somewhere in Massachusetts Mark Zuckerberg must be rolling on the floor laughing hysterically at all of us). Between growing up and trying to find out who we are and comparing ourselves to everyone around us and attempting to look and act just like Katherine Heigl, girls (and boys, too--I believe they suffer just as much as girls) aren't really doing themselves any favors by being a member of the atrocity known as Facebook.

Maybe I was just too young and impressionable when I was a freshman in college, sitting at my desk doing some Facebook stalking alongside my freshman roommate who too was Facebook stalking, while not more than "Check out Sarah's new status, oh my God" passed between us. Maybe I let it get to me too much. But looking at all my "friends'" (and I say "friends" because not everyone I was "friends" with on Facebook were actual real-life friends) seemingly fabulous lives and updates and pictures and videos just made me feel even worse about myself than I already did as a seventeen-year-old girl. It presented this facade of how wondrous their lives were and made me feel like mine wasn't nearly as good.

Therefore, by the time junior year rolled around, I had had enough and ended my long-term Facebook love affair.

I can happily say that I've been Facebook-free since . . . well, I can't even remember the last time I logged in.

Which brings me back to my original point (I know, you must be wondering where I'm going with this spontaneous, cumbersome rant). Blogging, unlike Facebook, has opened up a whole new world to me. Here, I don't need to "friend" or "add" anyone to let them read it. Strangers in New York and Seattle and New Zealand are reading Ruth Writes, much to my surprise and excitement. I don't need to "unfriend" or "delete" anyone I'm not particularly fond of, I don't need to disable the increasingly creepy chat option, and I'm not receiving any inviatations to plant a flower in my Lil Green Patch or catch a Hug Snowball. This is my space (no pun intended--we won't even talk about MySpace) to be me, and not feel like I need to hold back from spilling about my life and endeavours and goals and feelings (clearly--how long is this post now?) I happily post pictures and videos of my own and if no one is even looking at them (which is really how blogging feels sometimes, like I'm talking to nobody in an empty room), it doesn't matter because I'm doing this for myself.

And it feels good.

That said, if you want to feel motivated to be held accountable for your life and to really do all you can to enjoy every little minute, I would encourage you to get a blog. I know all blogs are different, and mine isn't like everyone else's, but I really like to have some account of how I've been spending this year after graduation. And I also like to feel obligated to myself to take pictures of everything going on--it's nice to actually have photos so I can remember these days!

I know this was long-winded, and WHOA I didn't mean for it to come out like this, but I guess it's just some food for thought, to be totally cliche.

I'm wondering--what are your motivators? What gets you up in the morning and spurs you to be your best self? (And if it also happens to be blogging, share your sites!)



(Photo via Emma.C)

An Epiphany of Sorts

Remember this post? I used to go to Starbucks almost every Tuesday and Thursday morning, before my 12:30pm Sociological Theory class, and try to catch up on homework and organize my life. Some days I wouldn't bring my computer, because I am ADDICTED and it's such a distraction for me, but usually I would just sit there from eight to eleven cyber-surfing, and then look up and snap out of my internet-infused daze and realize I had just wasted three hours of precious homework time. Just like that.

Today though, it's a new day. It's Thursday morning, and I don't have to drive back to my apartment to get ready for class (even though I do have to get ready for work soon.....). I don't have to study for exams, or write any papers, or read countless textbook chapters. I literally have been sitting here for the past two hours working on my blog, when I realized there's this distinct feeling of guilt creeping up through my insides, like a tiny nagging voice saying, "Ruth....get to work....you're wasting time....hurry up...."

And then I realized, my mind has not caught up to my body. I've been graduated for over a week, and I still feel like I need to be doing work. I've had dreams every night since I've been home that I'm late for an exam and fail it, or that I forget to say goodbye to someone before they move out, or that I realize I actually didn't graduate and I'm supposed to be at school right now but I've forgotten. It's madness, people. Who knew that I'd need to consciously persuade myself to realize that I'm done with UConn?

Last night I met with Abby and Andrew for dinner at Margarita's. That was refreshing, to be with close friends who understand and are in the same position that I am. It's good to know that I'm not the only one who's freaking out about this.

In the meantime, what are your thoughts about tattoos? I'd love to know. I've been thinking about them a lot, but I think I've come to the sad conclusion that I'm too indecisive to get one. I change my mind every two minutes (I clearly can't even follow a methodical train of thought for this post--Starbucks, graduation, margaritas, tattoos?!). I have a hard time choosing what to eat for lunch or what shirt to wear to bed. I know that if I got a tattoo, I'd love it for about a week and then change my mind the next. However, this tattoo is absolutely adorable, and may just change my mind....



What do you think?

The Longest, Most Drawn Out Catch-Up Post You Will (Hopefully) Ever See

If anybody is actually reading this so-called blog of mine, I profoundly apologize for my cyber-absence.

Let me explain.

The adjustment from the end of four years of college life, to graduation, the loss of friends, and a move back home, has been extremely difficult for me--as I'm sure it is for everybody who goes through that change. Just the whole end of the semester and finals and graduations and break-ups and goodbyes and moving--all of it has been much more tumultuous than I thought it'd be. I've been saying since February, "Ready to graduate? Are you kidding? I can't wait, it'll be so great to get out of here. I won't be sad one bit, I've been waiting for this since the day I got here!" And I truly believed all that. Now I can't believe that I was ever saying that. Not that UConn was my most favorite place in the world, but once you get used to something for four long years, it's hard to know anything else.

And believe me, living at home in Somers with my family again is a far cry from academic buildings and the Eastbrook Mall and bars within walking distance and Starbucks around the corner and the Co-op.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's go back, shall we?

By the Friday of the last week of exams, I was so ready to be done. I practically skipped through the sunshine to my very last final, hardly having studied and not even caring. I stopped in to say goodbye to Gina Barreca, a fabulous woman and mentor to me in this last year of mine at UConn. She gave me a gift and I tried not to comprehend that this was the end and I left her office in a rush, getting to my final 45 minutes early. In the exam room, the kid sitting in front of me was wearing a UConn Senior t-shirt that said "ALMOST DONE!" in big letters on the back, staring me cruelly in the face. I tried not to pay too much attention.

My stomach was already hurting.

The next day was rough. I was hungover. I threw up. I broke up with Joe. My mom came and took stuff home for me and my apartment was bare and empty, like when we moved in. I ordered a calzone since I had no food and the Chinese place wasn't answering their phone and I sat at the table by myself and ate it. I just wanted to get it all over with so I could miserably face reality once and for all.

I thought graduation was supposed to be a happy time.

The next day, I woke up at 5:23am and couldn't fall back asleep. I decided to use my time wisely and straightened my hair and listened to the birds that I usually wake up too late to hear and ironed my dress and finished clearing everything out of my room and watched the weather loop about seven times on the morning news. It was 6:45am. I sat on the couch, dressed and made-up and ready to go, until my CA came to check me out of my apartment once for all at 9am. I could have run fourteen miles with all of my built-up energy.

So, I graduated, with Mom and Dad and Mary and James and Jana and Michael and Auntie Mary and Katie, sans Joe. I honestly don't even want to elaborate, so here are some pictures:














(If you're still reading this, kudos to you. I don't know if I could sit through this kind of misery. But it will get better, I promise. I think.)

So that was that. It doesn't sound like much, but that's literally how it went. I felt sick all day and it was all surreal and then I couldn't believe it was over and I was driving back home to Somers. And now I'm here.





My first order of business was painting my room. I don't have any "after" pictures yet, but here's how it started:

























I've also spent time flea marketing in Brimfield:

















I bought this adorable handmade dress:













I've also once again assumed the role of Good Big Sister, so some mornings have involved waiting outside in the chilly morning sun at the bottom of the driveway with Mary for the bus to come. I love this set of photos from this morning:













Phew. That's a lot of catching up, and that's not even all there is. Stay tuned. I've got plenty more stories and goodies and even some big news.

Happy Tuesday!

(HINT TO BIG NEWS:

)

Gray Day & Bennie and the Jets

On this bleary and sprinkly Tuesday morning, I find myself sitting in Starbucks avoiding studying yet again. What is it about being in your last semester that causes such procrastination? I guess I just want to get out of here.

At the same time though, I'm starting to get really sad about leaving, which I didn't think I'd do. Steph moved out yesterday. Well, not really moved out--
she's coming back Wednesday

afternoon till Thursday morning to take exams--but still. All her stuff is gone, her room is practically empty, and she's not there anymore. There's such a void in our apartment now! And Kelly is leaving tonight to go home until Thursday, when she also comes back to take one exam. Bummer. I'm here till Sunday.

The bulletin board and chalkboard are taken down. The TV and TV stand are gone. The kitchen cookware available to me consists of one charred frying pan. The fridge is half-empty (no, not half-full, half-empty). It's a good thing most of the wall and window decoration in our apartment came from me, or else that'd be gone, too. And then I'd just have to cry.

It's not so much that I really love this place, but. . . it's the end of an era! What now? You all better be praying that I get into SOME program for the fall, or else we'll have a very distraught blogger on our hands. . .

That's all I can squeeze out for now. Once finals are out of the way, I'll be sure to post more frequently (and substantially). I'll leave you with one laughable video that might brighten your day, if it's anything like mine. . .

The Times Are A'Changin

A Facet of My Growing Age will soon be going through some construction. Please excuse the mess.

And stay tuned :)

Family Dinner and Big NEWS

Last night we had what could possibly be our last family dinner at UConn....ever!

Steph, Kelly, Abby and I got together and cooked dinner (a fabulous menu, might I add) and sat around catching up and discussing our last few weeks at UConn.

It was great, as usual--veggie burgers, wine, more veggies, and more wine. A good time was had by all, I believe.

If you've never had these veggie burgers, you're missing out. Now, I don't proclaim myself a fanatic vegetarian, but I do enjoy a mostly-veg menu when I'm at school. These burgers are fantastic, whether you're a vegetarian or not.

Inspired by the amazing burgers at Obz Cafe in Cape Town, I recreated them this summer. Deeeeelicious, I must say. I'm posting the recipe so you can make them yourself! (And this is all off the top of my head, and I'm no professional cook, so adjust this as necessary)


Obz Cafe's Amazing Veggie Burgers

1 onion, chopped
2 sweet potatoes, peeled and cubed
1 potato, peeled and cubed
3 carrots, peeled and chopped
2 parsnips, peeled and chopped
(and add any other veggies you might like)
Olive oil
Salt & pepper
Pesto
Hummus
Rolls

Combine all chopped vegetables in a roasting pan and coat with olive oil. Season with salt and pepper as desired. Roast in 400 degree oven for about 25 minutes, or until vegetables are soft. Remove from pan and mix with pesto (enough to coat all vegetables).
Spread hummus on rolls and top with veggie mixture.
Enjoy!
(Makes about 6 burgers.)


Really, make these. The combination of pesto and hummus is absolutely delicious. And no meat!

On another note, I have NEWS. In tomorrow's (Wednesday's) edition of the Hartford Courant, the Fresh Talk section will feature none other than yours truly--that's right, I'm finally being published! Look for me there!

It's an opinion piece about Spring Weekend--I'm sure some will be offended, but I guess that's why it's in the opinion section, right? My professor Regina Barreca has been working with me this semester in a creative writing independent study and has an "in" with the Courant (but who doesn't she have an "in" with?). So in a nutshell, I owe it all to her. She's fabulous--check out her blogs! Maybe someday mine will be as intelligent and creative as hers....

That's all for now, I'll see you all at 5am tomorrow morning, scrambling to get my hands on every copy of the Hartford Courant available at the UConn Co-op.

In the words of my mother, "Woohoo!"