thoughts on college, one year later: part 2

I just re-read Part 1. I apologize if you made it all the way through to the end of that rambling. Sometimes, though--words just scramble to get out of my head and onto "paper" before I can stop them. That post was somewhat therapeutic for me, I think. I hadn't really let myself face all those feelings since I graduated. And thankfully, some of you could commiserate and let me know I wasn't alone in those feelings.

What would I do without you guys?

Anyways, I did go back to school that night last week. The Women's Center was having their annual "Take Back the Night" rally, which I went to last year, and one of my favorite friends/professors was speaking, and I'd take any excuse to go back and see Steph again, so I sucked up some courage, threw up a word-vomit post for some peace of mind, and went back, all in a hurry, it seemed like.

And you know what? It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.

It was of course very strange, and felt weird to be walking the streets and eating at the student union knowing I wasn't actually a student anymore, but I was okay.

I was okay.

Of course I was okay. It was just as if the campus materialized around me and surrounded me with its academic-ness and big buildings and swarms of students as I drove onto campus. But I was still the same person. I felt like I had a bubble around me, keeping all of me in and keeping any bad vibes or memories out. It was like a revelation.

Am I making any sense? This is hard to articulate.

I'm the same person, but I've grown more in the past five years than I'd realized.

I was able to go back onto that campus sure of myself and who I am without letting a silly university dictate that to me. I was okay.

Perhaps going to this school wasn't the best decision for me. I've come to terms with that, kind of. So now I suppose all I can do is be grateful I have my education and learn from my mistakes.

Which is why, now that I'm entering into the grad school realm, I don't want to make the same mistakes. I don't want to choose my school based on ease and money. I'm taking everything into consideration, and weighing my options carefully. I want to do it right this time. Perhaps that's what I've learned.

In just two weeks, it will have been 365 days since my college graduation. Since my blog header says, "Fearlessly navigating my way through these post-college 365 days," I suppose I'll have to change that. I think I have fearlessly navigated my way through this past year. I successfully moved back home after college (no mean feat), got a position in AmeriCorps, applied to grad schools at the right time, got accepted, and am now working out the next chapter of my life.

Now I just have to put that diploma that's sitting at the back of my bookshelf in a frame or something. Isn't that what it's for?