Open Letters Friday

Dear Hormones:

I know we all have to deal with PMS, but please tone it down a bit. You're getting a little out of hand . . . okay, you're getting a lot of hand. We have lives, too, you know.

Sincerely,
I'm Not Having Babies Anytime Soon, Anyways



Dear Cell Phone,

You are a piece of *!&@#. I wish I had never bought you. I know you're cute and purple, but you're really lacking in performance. Either fix yourself, make my two-year contract end now, or let me come into a large sum of money. I did always want a Blackberry, anyway.

Sincerely,
Even My Ear Hates You



Dear Weather,

Please be sunnier so I can take pictures for the photo swap. I refuse to use a dreadful flash. Therefore, I need good lighting before I can proceed. These clouds are not working.

Sincerely,
Frustrated Amateur



Dear Improper Grammar,

How do you fool everyone so? I hear "I don't got nothin" about ten times a day from un-knowing young children that you dupe into believing is proper English. You can even fool adults. Teachers, even. (No wonder where these kids get it!) I would appreciate it if you disappeared. The world will be a much better place without you.

Sincerely,
English Major



Dear Happy Hour,

I'd like to see you more than once a month. Please avail yourself to me two, maybe three times a week. I think I could benefit from the "happy" part of you. I look forward to our meeting again.

Sincerely,
Frustrated Volunteer With Menial Salary Yet Still Willing To Waste Money On Booze



Dear Headaches,

Join Improper Grammar and get outta here. No one wants you, and no one needs you. You wake me up every morning. I think I'm going to have to talk to my sinuses about this.

Sincerely,
Wondering What Life Was Like Before You Reared Your Ugly Head



Dear Funding Sources,

Please help us. Nonprofits should not be suffering. How can I hand out food to seven kids in my class, but not the other seven? I can't, for much longer.

Sincerely,
Trying Not To Cry With Them



(I apologize for that terrible depressing way to end Open Letters Friday. I guess I'll add one more:)



Dear Friday,

THANK THE GOOD LORD IN HEAVEN YOU'RE FINALLY HERE!

Sincerely,
Hater of MondaysTuesdaysWednesdaysandThursdays